Friday, 26 December 2014

Nearing the End of another Year

The year is coming to an end. This has been a hell of a rollercoaster ride from hell to heaven with a ticket cut to Genabackis right after finishing off Westeros. Yes, geeky.
I've had my ups and downs. I've had my share of drama. My time in the light, my epiphanies in the dark. I started this blog for absolutely no reason other than the fact that I love to write. And well, Here I stand (sit actually) barely 10,000 words from finishing my very first novel. Yes, that is what I have been up to all year. But it wasn't an easy ride. Actually it was. The supplements of my real life however weren't.
Understand this, I keep saying look to the dark, tread in the dark, etc., etc. because I don't think the darkness is wrong. Hell, it is only one side of the coin. Nothing is bad. Well, Godhra was bad. But never mind.
I've come to a point where I can really see how far I have come. Not just with my novel, but with my life. In less than a year, I wrote over 214914 words. And well, I have lived much and more than that. And with every incident that has passed, I can see how it has all affected me. I've made terrible mistakes, realised terrible wrongs and tried to right all I could.
Just look back to your year and see how much you've done. How much have you suffered? How much have you lived? Every instance that will flash in your mind will show you how great your life has been. Or not. Depends on your perception.
I've done not so socially acceptable things this year (nothing illegal), and well I'm happy. That is what matters. (Fuck, I'm cheesy. I see know how much I might have changed as well.)
Anyways, hope you guys had a great year.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Saturday, 6 December 2014

How to avoid killing yourself by killing someone else instead

Yeah, that is the title. I'm getting good at this, aren't I? Don't answer that.
Well, suicide is a frowned upon act, and in many ways it is extremely hurtful. Some people say suicide isn't the end of life, it is the end of pain and misery. But well, if your life is full of pain and misery, perhaps you do need to end it. Wait, before you slit yourself, let me make this clear. Suicide is an option. But there is a better option. Homicide.
You aren't the only person suffering. There are starving children in Africa, idiots on the internet blabbering about stuff that takes your attention off the important events, and many other assholes. No one truly deserves to die. But hey, you don't always get what you deserve. 
Don't kill yourself because you didn't get what you want, because your lacking something. You have it in you. You have everything you need inside you. All you need is a little push (not off a cliff).
Before you think that 'I am done. I have nothing to live for...' think again. Perhaps you do. There are people who you think don't need you. You're wrong. You don't need them. Cut them off (not literally). Homicide is illegal. So don't just read the title and murder someone. It was just my way of attracting you here so you would read what I have. Not all you read on the internet is true. But it can and should make you think
We are programmed to follow, not to think. And well, if you follow your guts and kill yourself, you'll be preventing a whole series of events that might happen just because of your existence. On the contrary, if you decide to dedicate your life to saving lives, being a vigilante or just simple social service, well you can do much better. The point is to think. Renovate your perceptions. Sometimes, the darkness is what holds the greatest of treasures. Remember, light did not exist till after a crapload of years. If the world could survive in the dark then, well, we can still do so. Just because the sun shines doesn't mean the shadows are any darker. Maybe the shadows are trying to help you.
Forget about what society tells you. They're nutjobs. Think for yourselves. Open your mind and throw away those suicidal thoughts.
As for homicide, well by killing, I meant cut them off. Let them be dead to you. Their existence shouldn't matter. And if you really want to kill, then kill the people all you want but only in your head. Sometimes visualising murder can calm you down. But if it is getting out of hand, please see a psychiatrist.
I hope I don't get sued for this.
My posts are getting weirder I feel...

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Monday, 24 November 2014

We need more Diverse Books

Well, I'm not the kind of person really motivates you to go do something great, except maybe call the Cthulhu (not sure if that is the best of ideas). But I did read something that I found really interesting. Trust me, it deals with the many discriminations that we do subconsciously just because our parents didn't let us walk around naked when we were kids. Too random but it is the fundamentals that matter the most.
Chuck Wendig, well known Penmonkey (whose blog I almost regularly follow) wrote this extremely long but worth the time spent read. I don't know how ethical it is to share another man's work on my blog, but then again we have Bollywood. So shamelessly, I share here with you something that I believe you must read.

If you are lazy (like most of us are), then here is what he shared at the end of his post: "The We Need Diverse Books Indigogo Campaign"

I won't tell you to do anything. I'm sure your sick of your parents, teachers, politicians, and PS4s telling you what to do.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Sunday, 9 November 2014


What is the point of all this? It all sums down to bare essentials, and what is more essential than money? Well, social acceptance. It can kill a mother and orphan a child, all the while accepting sexual abuse and religious fanaticism. This is the fucked up society we live in.
I'm just sitting here ranting on but what more can I do? I'm no superman, neither do I have any strong connections. My greatest weapons are my words, that is if they are read. I can simply propagate ideas. And when I am at my lowest, even they might not work.
Seeing this fucked up society, I feel ashamed of being a human.
It makes me feel... Suicidal.

Saturday, 25 October 2014

Cool Weather

There is a serene violence that ensues in the skies these days, complemented by the deafening bursts of light that a simple fire can trigger. Today, after a long time it drizzled in Mumbai and the weather finally seems to be calming down. The cold is preparing to set in and life seems a dull yet peaceful journey. The pleasurable atmosphere made me appreciate the lighter things in life today, something that my phone or macbook could never allow me to.
This is one of the rare positive posts I have written. And honestly, I do not intend to be dark all the time, but somehow being dark allows me to look at things with a different perspective, and present it with an intense force.
I don't know how many of you actually bother reading my rants and my posts, but whoever does, I wish you a good day. The weather was good to me, so I can be less dark for once.

Friday, 24 October 2014


Another year, the festival of lights begins. It is a time of happiness, family love, and deafening firecrackers.
The lights in the houses and outside on the streets in this time of the year are simply a treat for the eye. The crackers are simply a medical condition in the making.
Would Ram really want us to induce deafness into our future generation? Who knows?
Yes this isn't the happiest of posts, but the point is to make you think. Is there really any significance in the crackers? Diwali is meant for the lights, for the family and loved ones. To share treats and exchange gifts brought out of love, not obligation. Diwali is yet another commercial festival in India, just like Ganpati, Holi and Christmas.
The essence of it is truly lost. But then again, what used to be a way of life in the ancient times is now simply a matter of tradition. Tradition not followed out of love or excitement, but out of the sense of duty.
Someone should really try and celebrate a peaceful Diwali (and all other festivals) keeping in mind the original idea behind such events. After all, we are the generation of globalisation. Who knows what more waits for us in the future?

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!


The baby was crying, screaming it's little guts out. The father sat dizzy from the thirteenth peg he had just gulped down. He looked out to his wife, nowhere to be seen in the kitchen. He shouted out, adding to the baby's cries.
No Response.
More pegs were made, three bottles had fallen to this man's addiction. His wife seemed to have forgotten of his existence. But his hazed mind was far away from these troubles. His intoxication had reached a new level. After the twentieth peg, his insides gave up. The floor was in ruins.
After a terrible pain in his stomach, he rushed to the bathroom for unknown reasons. Maybe his mind was trained for these situations. He rushed and spilled his stomach out into the ceramic pot, not noticing his wife that hung from the kitchen fan.
After the third gag, he lay unconscious on the floor. The last thing he remembered was the horrifying silence.
The baby had ceased its crying.

Thursday, 23 October 2014

The Point of Life

Whether it be a fly thee kill, or be it a monster slain by thy righteous hand,
Death in all it's glory is still a sorrowful thing.
The perception is all that matters.
Who knows, the monster might be the avatar of the very gods thee worship.
God plays a game in the queerest of ways, ways we may never understand,
As for that sword you lift, it may be the bane of those you love the most.
Life is a strange phenomenon.
It is the soul that matters.
The ones that tread in light sweat as the sun tires them,
And the moon sends chills down the nighttime traveller,
Filling the mind with horrors with questionable existence.
Yet, we all tread on.
Maybe that is the point of life, to find a point in this spherical object,
Cyclic in nature and spirit, with nothing to lose or gain,
Except that we believe we are attached to.

Wednesday, 22 October 2014

60 seconds of Inspiration

So I Stumbled Upon this one video. And it made me think. I have always been of the opinion that one should always follow your dreams. Not the cheesy way that looks easy in films, but the hard fucked up way that only those who have experienced will understand. I am at the start of a point in life where my hardships are just beginning and motivations like this video really help keeping me focused on the goal. This is to all those like me who have set out on the road less travelled by, instead of going the corporate way.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Disappointment with a hint of Homicidal Tendancy

So I just returned from the Mumbai Film Festival. I had been attending this lovely treat for cinephiles like me for the past two years. This year was amazingly terrible.
To begin with, the management was just as average as the previous years. I don't understand how they could fuck up after having fucked up before. I almost lost my life in a stampede for a film. This is the level of our peoples' stupidity. And to top it all up, there were ads being played. ADS. Are you fucking kidding me? Ads in a film festival? That too ads that are 15 minute long and eat up the time of the film? Seriously, someone needs to be spanked on the ass with a white hot iron rod. After this, I know for sure that I want to destroy the ad industry as horribly as I can.
But that isn't even the wort part of the festival. The worst were the people, the pseudo-cinephiles. Honestly, the crowds were fanatics in the last few years; people who would begin a riot if there was a disturbance. This year, the crowd was the biggest disturbance I faced. Not one film was watched without a phone ringing, or someone chatting on WhatsApp. People were talking, people were laughing at the Korean accents in a film (nothing funny, in fact they laughed at a guy dying just because it sounded funny), when I voiced my opinion against the annoyingly horrifying ads that they were playing, this same crowd asked me to shut up, defending the management's mistakes. This is what this festival has come to.
The movies were decent, the management was average, but the audience was worthy of hell. It is, I believe the fault of the management. Had they not commercialised their festival so much, it would still be catering to the niches that respect cinema, and not to the Facebook-WhatsApp generation that disrespects the film, the filmmaker and true-blood cinephiles.
Hope this festival never happens again. The crowds did not deserve it. And for those who actually deserve it, they cannot enjoy it as long as these assholes keep disturbing them. So what's the point anyways?

May the Darkness consume you in your Light, MAMI! You were a big disappointment. 

Wednesday, 15 October 2014

Cheesy Words, or Motivation? You decide....

One thing I learned in the last few days is that I fucking love writing. I'd die before I give up. I've risked my future to pursue my writing, and I hope that it would work out well.
Sometimes, treading in darkness can show you things in a much different perspective. I'm experiencing that at a very personal level. I see everyone going with the crowd while they laugh, mock and look down upon me for my decisions. People will never understand.
I'd die before I prove them right. And I know I'm not the only one here. There are many whose dreams are shattered by the critics. I say fuck them all.
Of course, it's easier said than done. Many people quit, but how many are actually working towards it? Before you take any rash decision, understand that once taken a step forward, it'll be a million times harder just to undo that. Tread wisely.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light

Tuesday, 14 October 2014

Strange Ending

The wind gushed and the clouds roared. The weatherman said a storm was rising. If he did not reach home on time, he might never. His work had ended earlier; his boss was more paranoid than anyone else. However, his boss had a driver and a car waiting to serve his needs. His colleagues ran just like him, but their buses were frequent. His bus had a terrible frequency.
People were closing shop, others were hurrying home. The homeless tried to look for a tentative shelter. The animals were nowhere to be seen. Smart bitches, he thought. He looked around at the systematic chaos that presented itself. Religion had forgotten its enmity and rivals helped secure each other. Everyone seemed to be prepared, except him.
The road was emptier than before. Isolation seemed to be creeping in. He had to leave.
He decided that he would spend some extra bucks and travel by rickshaws. But as every Indian knows, these bastards never listen.
One rickshaw rushed away. He grew frantic. The skies began to wet the earth.
Another ignored his cries. He abused passionately.
A third said an unjustified no. He kicked the rickshaw as it sped away.
The fourth one's breaks failed.
The isolated road gathered pedestrians to help him, but he realised that the storm wouldn't be his bane. The people carried him to a shelter, an ambulance was called for. The driver of the rickshaw was beaten for his faults. The clouds roared and the rain had finally begun its heavy downpour.
He was convinced that his end would come. Either by the storm, or the accident.
Death had a strange way to find things. A mosquito landed on his wound.

Mental Clutter and Demons

Demons scream with a chill in their voice. Their silence is the loudest one can hear. But why is it that we care only for the babies that cry in the middle of the night? What makes them hungry? Biology?
For all I know, all the sciences that I see are demons waiting for their time to shine. Science has evolved to a level where it is common sense to most of us. Yet, there are large populations that benefit not from the developments of the rich.
Demons at war?
Angels, they say are always looking at us with a happy heart, protecting us. But what about the demons that are so intensely involved with our lives? Why are we so afraid of them? Do we really fear our demons, while looking up to those that rarely cast a blessing upon us?
What kind of god would want to kill non-believers? Maybe they're just people that have accepted their demons. This might seem too satanic to people, but it's only a vague thought out of my random mind.
Maybe I should change the name of my blog.
Nah, my demons won't let me.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Saturday, 11 October 2014

Revelatory Dream

I fell asleep in the stars one night,
When I couldn’t seem to fight,
The urges of the previous day,
To kill them all, If I may!

The crows caw, the mice all squeal,
Desecrate our life’s show reel!
And murder every dream they say,
For good days are always yesterday!

Our perceptions are all but pale,
Hazed out by that branded ale,
Made by TV sets in every room,
Media bastions, mediocrity bloom!

And as I type from memories,
On this machine made overseas,
I realise we’re all but dead,
In a time that has come not yet.


"What is it honey?" he asked. He thought he'd heard his wife call out to him.
When no reply came, he thought it was nothing. Then it all crashed down on him. His house, his life, all engulfed by the flames inside his mind. Another migraine.
He fell down on the carpet and writhed in pain. The TV show host laughed at one of the gags and the recorded audiences giggled as well. 
Clutching his hair, almost ripping it off he rolled trying to understand why the pain felt different. That is when the crimson dripped down his cheek. He noticed the pool of red forming below his head. There had to be something wrong. How was this possible.
He looked up, and a silhouette stared back at him.
As she bent down, he saw the bruised face of his wife, eyes bloodshot. In her hands, she gripped a spade from their garden.
"HOW DARE YOU?" he screamed. If the neighbours ever found out, his name would be cast down. Their family would be in shame.
In reply, she kept staring at him. He had never seen her enraged. Every time she did something wrong, she would clam up and accept his beatings. That was the way society had raised them. Their parents did it, and their grandparents. But was it true? Or was it a delusion that only he lived in?
"I'm done!" she whispered, barely enough for him to understand.
A divorce was shunned upon in their society. His migraine worsened. And the moment he realised that the migraine was actually the hurt from the wound he had tried to ignore, the spade came crashing down on him.
One hit, his vision was hazy. Second and the pain worsened. Third, and his life flashed before him, numbing his senses. A Fourth and unable to bear the excruciating pain, he fell unconscious.
As life left his body, from the passage between life and death, he heard the faint laughter of victory.
His societal prisoner was finally free.

Friday, 10 October 2014

A little help...maybe?

Okay, usually I don't do two posts one after the other, but right now something just crossed my mind. To be honest, it's a sort of confusion regarding my own social life, and by that I mean social media. The way I see it, almost every person I know (except the really old people) are all in this mess. Even my own parents are addicted to Whatsapp and got knows what! And here I am detesting almost each social media site.
But then again, I do blog, and that can be considered a form of social media. However, why don't I do this same thing on Facebook? I can certainly get more attention from there. Or even Twitter, but there I have limited characters.
I try to stay away from social media and yet, I realise that without it I might not be able to stay in touch with anyone. That is my confusion. Should I allow this social media craze to take over me?
I don't know who is reading this, but I hope you can understand my dilemma.
This is probably the first post where I speak like a human, and not some psychotic wannabe philosopher.

I usually end my posts one way, but this time...

May the Darkness guide me...

Mother Darkness?

He looks at us, she looks at us. Mother darkness has been upset with all this talk of light. Father light was birthed by the mother of us all, and through this rose our world. But who is to say for God simply said 'Let there be a world' and poof; Brahma thought and his thoughts manifested, as they continue to do till the end of eternity.
Almost every religion will tell you a creationist story in their own version, but nobody mentions mother darkness. She was the first to exist. Are we so ignorant that we forget our past? But then again, the big bang is only a theory.
Who is to say what truly happened. Devdutt Pattanaik has rightly said, "...Within infinite myths lies the eternal truth. Who sees it all? Varuna has but a thousand eyes. Indra, a hundred. You and I, only two."

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Sunday, 28 September 2014


Is there nothing for me
To see here on my journey
Is the world so blinded
By the norms of our humanity?

The darkness seems to scare me
And the light is full of clarity
Yet we hide within the shadows
Of our own society

The lamps that guide us will fade
And extinguish with time today
As we all move amongst the lot
To pave the way for yesterday

The waves of energy holy
That phases with melancholy
Will one day be there no more
Leaving us in our insanity

Prevailing will be anarchy
Full of people such as you and me
With weapons of our conscience

We will strive to save humanity

Friday, 5 September 2014

We need a new plague

Negativity is at an all time high. The rains seem to be manipulating our minds. Marionettes are dancing with strings tied to their own rotten hands and yet, they believe that they owe it to someone else.
Life as I know it seems to be getting duller by the minute. A piece of paper is what I'm supposed to be risking my future for. Knowledge and intellect are forced to bow down to paper. And paper is nothing but a substitute for values, morals and status. I mean come on, you can't do anything beneficial for yourselves. Grow up guys, that is for kids. The more you grow up, the lesser you're allowed to dream.
See a psychiatrist if you must, but seriously, chuck that dream down the shitpot. All you need is a piece of paper that will secure your life.


Fuck you society.
Fuck you people who believe in the lenient version of my rant.
Fuck you people who put down my kind.
Fuck your orthodox-mundane values.
Fuck your dominating views.
Fuck your mentality.
Fuck your life.
Fuck your education.
Fuck your system.
Fuck your world.
Fuck your Gods. (I genuinely think religion is fucking us up big time)
And most importantly....
Fuck you.

I hope you get lost in the darkness of your own bizarre mind!

Monday, 14 July 2014

The bias against the Dark

Life and its various aspects do seem interesting. We try to figure out the many metaphors that can be fit into a frame of thought so that we can with ease reflect upon the beauty and complexity of life.
But does anyone talk of death?
Maybe the afterlife comes into the picture, but that too is the after-LIFE. Why can't we call it after-DEATH?
It's simple. People like to reflect upon the lighter aspects of light. The white is always preferred because white can be dirtied and stained with our prejudices and biases. Nobody sees the true colour that is black, kept pure and unaffected by the prejudices. In light, we see all the differences but in darkness, all is the same.
In life, we see so many metaphors, in death?
Why is it that we see death as disgusting? Why can't anyone see the beauty of death?
Maybe with a little more probing, our minds will some day accept that there is this concept that should be dealt with for it too deserves a better understanding. is it because of the people who use the darkness for wrong? Or is it a mere misunderstanding or misinterpretation of the dark? Do we realise that in either scenario, we are kept in the dark about the darkness that we think is so dark that we try to end the darkness with light? Words matter and their propagation matters the most.
Maybe it is this very bias of light and dark that my blog might not appeal to many. Understandable. I will keep hitting the keys on my laptop till the day they are heard by someone. Wonder how many people out there who have such unheard voices because of the technological darkness that prevails in our lives wish to be heard...

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Ixius... Coming soon...

It has once again been a while since I have written my last post. I don't have any excuses for it. I simply didn't want to. However, I was working on some other important stuff. I would rather not disclose everything that I was working on, however I may say this: It had been almost a year since I did something about my passion for films (making films that is). And finally, last Sunday, after a long vacation, Ixius Films finally shot its next short.
Again, this comes to my mind, why do I blog about all this?
Simple: because I love it.

Check out my films on any of the following links and well, I hope my next can outdo those.

Well, I'm not a huge fan of Social Media but hey, sometimes you just have to keep yourself updated with the dying generation.

May Your Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Monday, 2 June 2014

Awaiting the Seasonal Change

So the new day has begun, quite some time back. In an almost gloomy sunlight, we are awaiting the dark yet exuberant monsoons. After the heatstrokes of our polluted realms, we eagerly wait for the cool and wet monsoons to come wash our sweat and sins away. Life, as we know it, changes from season to season. Our souls change as well? Or do they simply remember what was once forgotten?
It is but a simple lack of understanding that we face.
When the soul and the body accompany us, even the darkest of the depths can become the most welcoming of spots. The dark clouds of the approaching monsoon storms are evident to this.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Sunday, 1 June 2014

Apocalypse Approaching....

About two weeks have passed.
Pressure and positivity seem to be in the lacking.
Oscillatory motions have begun to recede.
Convulsions and copulations are nothing but sins.
Anarchy is in the making.
Liars and cheaters rule our world.
Yes, it is the sad truth.
Probably this is the worst post yet.
Senseless, yet maybe something worthy.
End is near.

And yet we know it not.
People are dying.
Perfumed radiation.
Reactions are lethargic.
Obviousness is not that obvious.
And Swag meets Yolo for a date.
Common Sense is the most uncommon.
Hungover nights and memory imploding.
Improper life.
Never to be understood.
Good-bye fucktards.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Thursday, 15 May 2014

Doomsday Premonition?

Evil reprises as dirt begins to fade
Love and hatred mate on sand
And burn along with sickle and spade
With worms squiggling with dying filth
And the Demons of dawn succumb
To the spreading of the plagues’ wealth

The blood is dripping from mouths platonic
And eyes are gouging with shame ridden low
Satan laughs as Hell crusades on the catatonic
And life becomes the apocalypse we all awaited for

The Gods are no longer there for us
They committed self-righteous holy suicide
The nectars and waters all filled with pus
As blood flies begin to feast upon our eyes

The day has come for madness to commence
As people will all disappear in the day
Life as we know will come to and end as
The dead will return to rule the realms of us mortals
And we will be no longer existing

As the minds of our selves will guide us to our sepulchers


The sinister mask of death that stares at my face with hollow eyes follows me beyond every checkpoint of my horrible nightmare. There must be a reason why the iron tree that I saw burning did not melt. Maybe it was the miniature particles around it that the birds dropped. All life shall end. Every angel shall be castrated and every demonic flame extinguished.
When light and dark copulate to populate our wildest fears, that is when we know the end is near. The gaseous residues that burn our world, the chemical warfare that we induce unto our own, that will be the end of us.
Paper wealth is nothing compared to the riches that Mother Earth was robbed off.
This is only but the first cycle of our nightmarish sleep.
Be wary my friend.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Wednesday, 14 May 2014


Why is it that we all make mistakes? Why is it, that we never want to learn from the mistakes of others? Is it so important for each and every one of us to make the same mistakes by ourselves and learn the lesson that someone so dear to us was trying to teach us?
Is it our ego that marks upon our decisions or is it our emotions? What controls them more? The Ego , the Emotions, or is it something more?
Why is it that every time we mug up for an exam, we remember most? Why is it that we get anxious over numbers that are imaginary and devised only to prove our worth, but mean nothing?
It is all a pretentious farce!
We live in a world that teaches us to live life in a particular way. There are rights and there are wrongs. No subjective viewpoints. That is the way the world functions. It is not by observation, but by being told. Then why, do we not listen to the more important things in life?
A blogpost is no place to find enlightenment, but you never know, what may strike you as inspirational. If I can find inspiration in a dead puppy, you can find it in a candy wrapper. Who is to say?
And what if we make mistakes? Are we wasting our time? Yes, probably! When we know it's a mistake and yet we pursue it. That is utter bullshit. Learn to live and not waste time. And learn the difference between recreation, leisure and wasting time too. You may be making a mistake in choosing the wrong option.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Tuesday, 13 May 2014


Strangulation. The tepid ropes of the vile education system curled themselves against the Adam’s apple of his throat as he lay writhing in pain from the fever that had engulfed his numb body. He was lying there, sweating profusely, crying silently over the spiritual disaster that was his life. For a long time the potholes of the princely societal acceptance had haunted his smooth ride in life, making every possible bump as painful as can be. Hell cannot even hope to be so sadistic. And his state at the moment was hell. Hell to the truest form.
The ceiling fan moved silently, like a ninja slicing the air around with its assassin’s blade. The air grew old and aged as time passed in the night. Beads of sweat swarmed his face, his body, his hairy legs. The bed seemed too small to hold in his big dilemma. The sheets too tiny to keep him warm to the fullest. He had covered his face, breathing the carbon that he had exhaled only a few moments back. The darkness of the night had only but profoundly bled out dry, only to leave behind dark bruises in the atmosphere that was his room. The same room he lived, no, the same room he existed. Living is a term debatable for this sort of life. An education that has no meaning, pursuing a piece of paper that holds your dignity and walk shamefully if it cannot be achieved. This is the narrow-minded lifestyle that they all lived. His peers. His perpetrators. His parents.
He fell asleep talking to his girlfriend, knowing that he was tired. But the fever that dawned upon him knew not its limits. It wasn’t just a physical ailment; it was much more. The scars and bruises were not left on the outer shell of the human body that was his self, but deeper inside. The scars lay on his mind. The bruises painted his soul. The stink and rot of a lustful craving for self destruction had been clinging onto his back forcefully kept there for a better status in society.
But what would these social bastards know of the pains and penance a little man like him would pay for that unchecked and adulterated dignity? What would his friends know of the agony of anointing ink in the wasteful use of thoughtless words? What would the very non-existent God do if challenged about the pains? There were no answers to these rhetoric doubts that flooded him as he lay, writhing in pain.
Was it the food that sickened him? The tiring day in a disgusting place full of filthy, despicable and tasteless fools who lived only because they had a life, exhausted his living strength? What was it that troubled his soul to the extent that the physical attributes attached had to suffer like Icarus who tried only to fly. It was this. The troubles and times of past that haunted him. Mistakes that had trodden him down before, that were in effect again, at a different pace, at a different magnitude, but mistakes nonetheless.