Suicidal

What is the point of all this? It all sums down to bare essentials, and what is more essential than money? Well, social acceptance. It can kill a mother and orphan a child, all the while accepting sexual abuse and religious fanaticism. This is the fucked up society we live in.

I'm just sitting here ranting on but what more can I do? I'm no superman, neither do I have any strong connections. My greatest weapons are my words, that is if they are read. I can simply propagate ideas. And when I am at my lowest, even they might not work.

Seeing this fucked up society, I feel ashamed of being a human.

It makes me feel... Suicidal.

Revelatory Dream

I fell asleep in the stars one night,

When I couldn’t seem to fight,

The urges of the previous day,

To kill them all, If I may!

The crows caw, the mice all squeal,

Desecrate our life’s show reel!

And murder every dream they say,

For good days are always yesterday!

Our perceptions are all but pale,

Hazed out by that branded ale,

Made by TV sets in every room,

Media bastions, mediocrity bloom!

And as I type from memories,

On this machine made overseas,

I realise we’re all but dead,

In a time that has come not yet.

A little help...maybe?

Okay, usually I don't do two posts one after the other, but right now something just crossed my mind. To be honest, it's a sort of confusion regarding my own social life, and by that I mean social media. The way I see it, almost every person I know (except the really old people) are all in this mess. Even my own parents are addicted to Whatsapp and got knows what! And here I am detesting almost each social media site.

But then again, I do blog, and that can be considered a form of social media. However, why don't I do this same thing on Facebook? I can certainly get more attention from there. Or even Twitter, but there I have limited characters.

I try to stay away from social media and yet, I realise that without it I might not be able to stay in touch with anyone. That is my confusion. Should I allow this social media craze to take over me?

I don't know who is reading this, but I hope you can understand my dilemma.

This is probably the first post where I speak like a human, and not some psychotic wannabe philosopher.

I usually end my posts one way, but this time...

May the Darkness guide me...

Mother Darkness?

He looks at us, she looks at us. Mother darkness has been upset with all this talk of light. Father light was birthed by the mother of us all, and through this rose our world. But who is to say for God simply said 'Let there be a world' and poof; Brahma thought and his thoughts manifested, as they continue to do till the end of eternity.

Almost every religion will tell you a creationist story in their own version, but nobody mentions mother darkness. She was the first to exist. Are we so ignorant that we forget our past? But then again, the big bang is only a theory.

Who is to say what truly happened. Devdutt Pattanaik has rightly said, "...Within infinite myths lies the eternal truth. Who sees it all? Varuna has but a thousand eyes. Indra, a hundred. You and I, only two."

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Forlorn

Is there nothing for me

To see here on my journey

Is the world so blinded

By the norms of our humanity?

The darkness seems to scare me

And the light is full of clarity

Yet we hide within the shadows

Of our own society

The lamps that guide us will fade

And extinguish with time today

As we all move amongst the lot

To pave the way for yesterday

The waves of energy holy

That phases with melancholy

Will one day be there no more

Leaving us in our insanity

Prevailing will be anarchy

Full of people such as you and me

With weapons of our conscience

We will strive to save humanity

We need a new plague

Negativity is at an all time high. The rains seem to be manipulating our minds. Marionettes are dancing with strings tied to their own rotten hands and yet, they believe that they owe it to someone else.

Life as I know it seems to be getting duller by the minute. A piece of paper is what I'm supposed to be risking my future for. Knowledge and intellect are forced to bow down to paper. And paper is nothing but a substitute for values, morals and status. I mean come on, you can't do anything beneficial for yourselves. Grow up guys, that is for kids. The more you grow up, the lesser you're allowed to dream.

See a psychiatrist if you must, but seriously, chuck that dream down the shitpot. All you need is a piece of paper that will secure your life.

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.

.

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SERIOUSLY????

Fuck you society.

Fuck you people who believe in the lenient version of my rant.

Fuck you people who put down my kind.

Fuck your orthodox-mundane values.

Fuck your dominating views.

Fuck your mentality.

Fuck your life.

Fuck your education.

Fuck your system.

Fuck your world.

Fuck your Gods. (I genuinely think religion is fucking us up big time)

And most importantly....

Fuck you.

I hope you get lost in the darkness of your own bizarre mind!

Doomsday Premonition?

Evil reprises as dirt begins to fade

Love and hatred mate on sand

And burn along with sickle and spade

With worms squiggling with dying filth

And the Demons of dawn succumb

To the spreading of the plagues’ wealth

The blood is dripping from mouths platonic

And eyes are gouging with shame ridden low

Satan laughs as Hell crusades on the catatonic

And life becomes the apocalypse we all awaited for

The Gods are no longer there for us

They committed self-righteous holy suicide

The nectars and waters all filled with pus

As blood flies begin to feast upon our eyes

The day has come for madness to commence

As people will all disappear in the day

Life as we know will come to and end as

The dead will return to rule the realms of us mortals

And we will be no longer existing

As the minds of our selves will guide us to our sepulchers

Apocalyptic

The sinister mask of death that stares at my face with hollow eyes follows me beyond every checkpoint of my horrible nightmare. There must be a reason why the iron tree that I saw burning did not melt. Maybe it was the miniature particles around it that the birds dropped. All life shall end. Every angel shall be castrated and every demonic flame extinguished.

When light and dark copulate to populate our wildest fears, that is when we know the end is near. The gaseous residues that burn our world, the chemical warfare that we induce unto our own, that will be the end of us.

Paper wealth is nothing compared to the riches that Mother Earth was robbed off.

This is only but the first cycle of our nightmarish sleep.

Be wary my friend.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Strangulation

Strangulation. The tepid ropes of the vile education system curled themselves against the Adam’s apple of his throat as he lay writhing in pain from the fever that had engulfed his numb body. He was lying there, sweating profusely, crying silently over the spiritual disaster that was his life. For a long time the potholes of the princely societal acceptance had haunted his smooth ride in life, making every possible bump as painful as can be. Hell cannot even hope to be so sadistic. And his state at the moment was hell. Hell to the truest form.

The ceiling fan moved silently, like a ninja slicing the air around with its assassin’s blade. The air grew old and aged as time passed in the night. Beads of sweat swarmed his face, his body, his hairy legs. The bed seemed too small to hold in his big dilemma. The sheets too tiny to keep him warm to the fullest. He had covered his face, breathing the carbon that he had exhaled only a few moments back. The darkness of the night had only but profoundly bled out dry, only to leave behind dark bruises in the atmosphere that was his room. The same room he lived, no, the same room he existed. Living is a term debatable for this sort of life. An education that has no meaning, pursuing a piece of paper that holds your dignity and walk shamefully if it cannot be achieved. This is the narrow-minded lifestyle that they all lived. His peers. His perpetrators. His parents.

He fell asleep talking to his girlfriend, knowing that he was tired. But the fever that dawned upon him knew not its limits. It wasn’t just a physical ailment; it was much more. The scars and bruises were not left on the outer shell of the human body that was his self, but deeper inside. The scars lay on his mind. The bruises painted his soul. The stink and rot of a lustful craving for self destruction had been clinging onto his back forcefully kept there for a better status in society.

But what would these social bastards know of the pains and penance a little man like him would pay for that unchecked and adulterated dignity? What would his friends know of the agony of anointing ink in the wasteful use of thoughtless words? What would the very non-existent God do if challenged about the pains? There were no answers to these rhetoric doubts that flooded him as he lay, writhing in pain.

Was it the food that sickened him? The tiring day in a disgusting place full of filthy, despicable and tasteless fools who lived only because they had a life, exhausted his living strength? What was it that troubled his soul to the extent that the physical attributes attached had to suffer like Icarus who tried only to fly. It was this. The troubles and times of past that haunted him. Mistakes that had trodden him down before, that were in effect again, at a different pace, at a different magnitude, but mistakes nonetheless.  

Dead Puppy

So, this is something that I really encountered in my life. I wrote this quite some time back. It isn't the most conventional thing that can invoke a creative piece of of anyone but hey, I'm not like everyone else. I don't know if you'll will get the essence of the poem but when you really think about it, maybe you'll reach closer to what I felt when I saw this cruel scene...

Today I saw a puppy die 
I saw its dead body

I don't know why

I saw it

I saw it dead

Flies buzzing

It was dead and stinking
I don't know why

I saw a dead puppy
So young
Barely a month old
I saw it dead

I don't know why

I saw it dead
A puppy lay dead
And then I understood why

Life is meaningless 

Fear and other things....

What is it that keeps you up all night? What is it that kills the silence and destroys worlds in a matter of minutes? What is it that can seep into the darkest corners of your existential human mind and reap the benefits that were truly yours? What is it that hides under your bed and claws your back with icy bloodstained fingers, waiting for its next hunt?

Enough of questions. We all know what I'm talking about. It's fear.

FEAR!

It's not that big a word. But the enormity of it so sadly hyped and boosted that we all believe that it is a cruel monster. We name so many things that scare us, frighten us or limit us, restraining the demons inside us just because everyone believes that demons are to be feared and angels are to be good.

Who ever said that Angels are good and Demons are bad? Both are entities that supplement our soul. It is them that define us. They are not good or bad, it is only us that stamp them with tags of useless words. There are no Angels, there are no Demons, they are the same. It depends on what you see. Satan worshippers may say Satan is the good guy while most of us believe that God is the one to look up to. But what does an atheist say?

Don't give a rat's ass to any of these stupid annotations. There are only two things that you must seek in life. To nurture your love and to embrace your fear. There can never be any love without the fear of loss. There can never be fear without the love.

Duality is what drives our world. 

So choose your side. Don't take sides with another, just choose for yourselves and leave everyone else alone to worry about Demons and Angels.

It is not about Light vs Darkness, it is about Light and Darkness. Chose your side, or embrace them both. Do what will bring salvation to your lost soul.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light!

Existential

What is it that keeps us going on?

Is it the curiosity of the next moment?

Or is it the reward we have been dying to achieve?

The springing happiness or the end of sorrow,

The lively smiles of long dead ones!

What is it that makes us live in this orderly chaos?

What is it that we tread on in light when our goals lie in darkness?

Why must we live on terms of other people?

When we are the only ones who know ourselves the most!

What is it that is running in your head right now?

Is it about the Life we live?

Or is it about the Death we desire?

A Year Later...

Time so flies, like dust and its grain,

All seems meaningless, yet nothing goes in vain.

Exactly on this day, one year ago, I did something very close to my heart. I uploaded my first film on YouTube. Titled ‘Désespoir’, the film was our most ambitious and probably our best piece of work in the whole of last year. As I sat today at Cutting Chai, watching several films in their film events, I realised the fact that an entire year had passed since I had done something so fulfilling. One year and five films later, Ixius Films, our production house, was standing idle, waiting for it’s next project to come by. And today, it struck me what I wanted. The films I saw at the festival, that wasn’t what I wanted to do. I could not picture myself making any of those films, and even if I was, the film would turn out to be very different that what I saw. Something was amiss.

A year ago, I was naive, going through an existential crisis, just overcoming it by the turn of the year. Last year began with a great surge of positive energy. I did so many things. But had I moved away from my own path towards something just flashy and appealing? No, what I find appealing is very different from what mainstream and hipster culture features. I don’t like to see what stupidity the masses worship. Neither do I want to do something corporate like the very education that I have been unwillingly pursuing. No, I want to spread ideas, emotions and evoke harmonious horror into peoples’ lives. Not being sadistic, but I have a different perception of things that can get people to think, to explore ideas in an unconventional way. Then what went wrong?

Nothing went wrong. Sometimes you need to go through a dark tunnel to understand that the light you live in is actually a precious gift. So think twice before you blow it up with your ignorant godforsaken soulless endeavours. I cannot explain the purpose in life for our lives to be true are meaningless. And maybe that is the pursuit of life, to find meaning in that which seems meaningless. To fill the void that you have yourself created for your own sake. Live for whatever time you must and do so, without once diverging from thy path. And if the divergence is needed, well, it is but an experience you need, for it is important for you to grow and evolve into what you must be before you depart for a place much larger and higher than our own.

And so, with such not-so-dark thoughts, I begin this blog. I always wanted to do so. This is my step forward into doing what I have always dreamed of. This blog has no meaning, and yet is full of it. Understand and it is good. Don’t understand and well, it matters not. For now, I must say, to whoever bothers to read this, ‘Death is the Ultimate goal  of Life. So Die, but only after you have done Justice to your Life’.

May the Darkness guide you to Your Light